Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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