If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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