YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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