Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
