Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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