it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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