oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
