We won't sleep together?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
