so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
