so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
