shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
