My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She bit a glass in half.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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