So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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