all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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