She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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