i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
