8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You are the jesus of drinking
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
