Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
