Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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