I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
