I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
