Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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