If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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