Capitaan dildo arrescate!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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