Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
