He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
