Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize