I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
