Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
