there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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