My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
birth control should be required to get into college
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
