your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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