You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
