All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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