She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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