You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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