from now on my penis is your penis
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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