all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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