I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
