so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
