Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
