having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
