Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
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Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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