took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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