Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
