What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
