woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
