it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
