I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
