my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
