Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
