with your own penis?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
