I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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