Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
