u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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