Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
