She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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