my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
