Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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