Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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