I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
