I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
