I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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