420 ftw
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
