Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
