so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
