Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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