420 ftw
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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