You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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