hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
