problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
