i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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