I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
