I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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