you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
