I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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